What is it about mingling in emotions with another human being? One minute a person can be a normal, life-loving, hard-working individual and after a date or two with a new somebody, they turn into mushy-muddle minded weirdos? Why is it that in the realm of LOVE, so many really smart people make really big mistakes, resulting in loss of self-esteem, family, money, job and any sane semblance of the prior self?
When it comes to love, we really let people “off the hook” for bad choices. We look the other way when our friend brings by a new beau who reeks of; he is hiding something. One of the best pieces of information I received from one of my college professors when I was pursuing my counseling degree was this: If you are in a conversation with someone and you walk away thinking that person was weird and they gave you the feeling that they were just NOT RIGHT, then believe yourself. They were weird and run the other way. In other words, go with your gut.
When it comes to love, why does the gut let so many of us down?
I think desire to have someone care for us, I mean really care, messes with our gut and the smoke signals from our logical self get mixed with all the other smoke and mirrors that comes with courtship.
I am so guilty of this. I am reminded of Diane Ford who once said that every time she gets lonely she puts out her radar and searches for the craziest person who can sweep in a wreck her life for a few months. After a lifetime of relationships, some good and some bad, I found my stupid spots and eradicated them. If I say things to myself like the following, he is not the guy for me. And possibly, for anyone else: “Where does he live? Hum he won’t tell me. I am sure he has a good reason. He seems too good to be true. I can help him. He needs help. He says he has money but I always pay. I wonder why he was married so many times. Why doesn’t he have a relationship with his family. I wonder if he was ever in jail?” You get the idea. The list of doubt can be added to, lengthened and strengthened by all of us. If you ask questions like these; RUN. RUN. RUN. And the whole idea that LOVE will make your new mate a better person, get help. “But, I love him,” are words spoken by the one who is trying really hard to make a Ted Bundy into Jon Bon Jovi. Jon is taken…for a reason.
Maybe we need to be less forgiving of ourselves when we make such stupid mistakes in love. We need to take our hard lesson and learn from it. And, when a friend shows up with a bonafide weirdo, tell her the truth when she asks, “Well, what do you think?” After you tell her, refrain from letting her know how stupid she is being.
Oh, what the heck, let her know.