In Celebration of Cellulite!

Just kidding. There is no reason to celebrate, unless you are a true Pollyanna, I could say this: I have my health and I am alive!

Now to find a shirt that covers my upper arms and clothe the rest of my 52 year-old self in some cellulite-cloaking garments. I feel like, on a cellular level, my body has really let me down in this department; the How I Store my FAT department. Truth is I could play dot-to-dot for a while on just my backside. I think I could end up with an amazing impressionistic painting! Hey, maybe that is the silver lining? I could go the way of Farrah Fawcett and use my body as the medium to put paint on canvas…or not.

Though I cry FOUL, I know genetics plays a part, along with cupcakes. Skinny Minnie stores her cupcakes in the cupboard, I store mine these days on my upper back. I saw the Dr. Oz shows on cellulite as I DVR each one and watch when I am alone and can take my notes in peace. Each time I hear the Dr., the news is that  basically, I need to just lose the weight.

Thanks, Dr. Oz! Duh!

Creams do not work! Running five miles a day does not work unless you are NOT eating cupcakes afterward! Sensible diet and exercise and over time, the APPEARANCE of cellulite will diminish a bit. To quote the Star magazine (I only read them while in line at the supermarket) even skinny models have cellulite! Yeah! I feel better…okay, no I don’t.

Cellulite of the Stars

Cellulite of the Stars (Photo credit: Better Than Bacon)

I have noticed the new treatments being marketed for those if us in a war with cellulite. Yes, for your life savings you could have a dimple-free butt for a week. Just ask the Kardashians. How can I get in on the studies for treating cellulite? I would do anything except let go of my before picture. Is that too much to ask Ms. Scientist? Sign me up! Forget animal studies: the way I see it my cellulite is not human and needs no signed waiver.

Cellulite lurks in the strangest places. It is ugly and not appreciated, unless it is on a skinny movie star on the cover of a magazine!


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