If you having nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all…right?
Right. And that is one of THE hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. One reason I think that particular life nugget is hard to swallow is that most of us are in some measure still trying to figure it out: negative talk leads to negativity period. Just tell this to a junior high school student and you will see that their EQ on talking about others is non-existent unless they are on the end of the sharply sworded tongues of their peers.
A major epiphany in my life took place when I was about 43. I woke up to the fact that other people’s opinion of my is none of my business and something I cannot control. I remember a tremendous feeling of relief when I suddenly saw my life through more enlightened eyes. Women suffer from this psychological malady more than men I think- and shaking that idea, that one can create perceptions for others, must be a sin created by the snake and passed to dwell in the intricate weave of Eve’s DNA.
The first perfect example of someone who did not talk about others for enjoyment was Melanie in Gone with the Wind. Wait, that fictional character is the only perfect example- I don’t think Jesus talked smack about anyone either. Jesus and Melanie, my go-to examples.
So what does one do when they find themselves attacked in the gossip mill and that mill is in their own backyard? And also, if there is wounding done with words, how does one heal?
In the last few years, a woman I have known for over 35 years has attacked me to anyone she could get to listen. Fortunately, most of these people shut her down and told me so. I had an idea why she hated me, but to this day I don’t think she has a real clue as to where her intense hate for me comes from really. I tried to speak with her and it was messy. She is so full of anger and hate she can only attack and not discuss. In the course of all the stirring of trouble, this woman contacts my fiance via Facebook to ‘talk’ with him, “Hi I found you on Facebook!! How are you? I stay in touch with your brother, too! How is your daughter? Blah blah blah”. Weird and sad. Chas showed me and shook his head and told me that that kind of stuff is nothing but trouble. We decided to ignore it and her- completely.
Healing was slow, as I am a daughter of Eve… I finally realized through God’s healing ways that she is misdirected and believing the snake as Eve once did, but she is still blinded by the deception that being right is the only important issue, and that she can elevate herself above me by degrading and verbally attacking me. Is her war of words actually changing others’ perceptions of me? Back to epiphany at age 43- others’ perceptions are none of my business. I can forgive the misdirected. The Word says, hate the sin and not the sinner. Note: another really hard thing to do.
Back in 2001 when I was fired by KZEP the first time, I started on a journey to get my life right and to be a better person. When I started those steps toward self-actualization I was a shell. However, due to perseverance and drive to learn who I am and HOW to be happy I woke up one morning feeling complete contentment for longer than those initial 3 seconds. I have experienced inner joy and peace and love…love for my children and all of my life circle, which includes the misdirected.
Wow. Heavy stuff.
If you wish to be somewhere you plan the trip. If you wish to be better, your trip will be planned and you will wake up one morning at your destination.
I promise. So does God.
As far as the 35 year old friendship and the hurt and attacks,I learned a lot, and made few mistakes by attacking back once I found out she infiltrated my emerging family. I let it go, I let the anger go. By doing that I am one step closer to heaven on earth. I am learning that not saying anything negative about others is a difficult path and a muscle that needs to be worked out. I was given the opportunity to make mine strong through this attack, which is why trials are cool in their own way. It is like I have had some intense training at Universal Life Gymnasium!
If you have something nice to say then say it! But the rule still applies, you cannot control others’ perceptions that way either. You just control the state of your soul!