I sat with this amazing woman, my new friend. We had the coronation and everything! I said, ” I like you, we have a lot in common! You are my friend!” She returned the statement and we hugged to finalize the new pact.
It took a few months for me to find out just how cool this new buddy of mine really is; she is a contractor and an interior designer who also writes a column for a big newspaper.
Did I not ask her what she did for money? For fun? We covered husbands, dating, kids, regrets, and triumphs. None of that information came up. To get the big picture, I met her at Fitness Ridge and we have stayed in touch via Facebook. It has been fun. I do hope to visit her in her home town some day as she has a FUN hometown.
This woman was definitely NOT a tooter. She had a big horn to toot, but she didn’t. And, I should have asked- what is up with me?
I am a tooter. It is time to put my horn down, because when I toot I hear a voice in my head saying I am off-key.
“I was on The View! I had a morning radio show in San Antonio, traveled all over the country performing stand-up AND was a regular on San Antonio Living. Oh, I was lucky enough to travel overseas to perform for our troops.”
I know the words as well as I know my stand-up, and frankly I am tired of the routine.
Once, when I was at my uncle’s table feeling extra horrible about myself, I went to tooting to get some kind of recognition that I was someone- that I had accomplished things in my life worth tooting about. It fell flat. No one said anything like, “Wow, how wonderful!” No one asked what it was like to be on national TV. No one cared. Which brings me to why I think I am a tooter. I toot because maybe, just maybe I have the belief no one does care.
Dubious… as I do KNOW many people care….just some of the key one’s didn’t so I stayed in the whirlpool o’ sucky self-esteem for too long, and it had a dizzying effect on me. Now, and happily since I turned 50, I am beginning to see things straight forward. I am beginning to see who I really am; hence I can easily admit that I toot my own horn way too much and way too often.
Why toot my horn to announce I will no longer toot my horn? Because this is my blog and when I read about my friend the contractor/decorator/writer I was impressed – and it got me thinking about what is and isn’t impressive. And it got me thinking about what it means to impress someone, and if it matters in the scheme of life. I liked my friend for her spirit and kindness and wit- not her profession, though what we spend our time doing makes up a piece of who and what we are.
I am a teacher. I am a mother, grandmother, and friend to some. I know who cares for me these days and who doesn’t. My plan is to pull out my horn at more appropriate times…maybe when I am asked, or when I wish to celebrate. Or when I am alone and need to feel okay about who I am, and what I have accomplished in 50 years.
The ruckus behind the closed door is just me celebrating me. Impressive!