Days 19 and 20: Groups and Walls


One of the things we are warned about if you are here longer than a couple of weeks is to beware your thoughts around people. Being in a group for three weeks has brought me to that point. I have had to bite my tongue, walk away, and stay away from some other guests. Three weeks ago, heck even last week, I was fine and had no desire to tell someone to shut-up and stop complaining. Now, I do…so today, which is Saturday and a half-day of rest, I will confine myself to myself. I need some time away from THE GROUP! Even in the van this morning  a guest told me to stop my conversation because it was bothering her. Now, in my head I was thinking, “I can have any conversation I damn well please, and if you don’t like it then don’t listen, honey!” (Is bitch better? Gotta love the NJ Housewives!) instead, the two of us engaged in our conversation about a woman’s pet snake, which she took to a pet psychic because it was hurt…ended. I did ask if the snake part bothered her, but I was only told to “Just stop.”

Maybe the pet psychic part bothered her. I haven’t bought the pet psychic as fact, I just liked conversing.

The “I can’ts” are out of control here right now! OR! MAYBE I am just a bit stir crazy. I do know that the excuses I am hearing about why someone ‘can’t’ is making me want to poke my eye with a sharp stick.

See, the counselor needs a counselor! Moral to the morale- this is my journey, time to make peace with all energies here. The amazing staff here called it…I was warned that after time being a part of a group could cause psychological wear and tear.. The staff here, as I said before, is GOOD! Professionals, all of them.

I did have an “I can’t” moment yesterday. Wow, did I beat myself up for it, too. On the hike we were asked if we wanted to go straight up toward our destination, which was Camel Back. The terrain is sandstone and if you walk on it your feet stick pretty good. This week I climbed a few mountains and thought at first  I could do it, but when I started up the side, without warning, fear went through me. It was like climbing a wall with a slight incline. If it was uneven, or had something jutting out of the sides I amy not have been so struck with fear. All I know is that wall, that side of the mountain kicked my butt. Then the rest of the day I kicked my butt! I Still got up to Camel Back, but I had to go around. I felt like the kid on the high dive that backs out of jumping into the water while the rest of the line is behind them happy about the climb, the jump and the splash!

What did I learn? I don’t like to climb walls, sandstone or gluestone. I plain get anxious.

Several of the other hikers told me to work on it, and get up that wall next week before I go. However, I am not sure how, without rope and zanex! Neither are supplied here at The Ridge!

Last night I was treated to a play at the Tuacan Theater. Alyssia, my Australian friend, bought me a ticket (as a birthday gift) to watch Tarzan. This is located in the mountains. The property was donated by Robert Redford for a performing arts school and theater. It is the most beautiful outdoor amphitheater I have ever seen. The backdrop is a view of some breathtaking red mountains- which I have climbed three times! The play was good, and the drive home eventful as we got lost (it was dark and we couldn’t orient without seeing the mountains) and we got pulled over by a policeman who just gave us a warning to slow down. I didn’t get to sleep until 1 am, and had to be up by 6 to hike up yet another steep climb! After the hike I had stretch class. I fell asleep. Perfect ending to the week!

Tonight is graduation, more goodbyes which opens the Ridge for new hellos. Tomorrow is Sunday; we get to rest all day and do whatever we wish. I wish to stay alone and re-group away from the group!

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5 thoughts on “Days 19 and 20: Groups and Walls

  1. I 100% understand where you are coming from with the whole group dynamic issue. I actually hit my wall and fed-upness with the group just a few days before my 2 week stay ended. I got tired of all of the excuses and complaints and the lack of effort. It’s hard…for everyone! regardless of how much you weigh.

    I skipped out on a class and instead took my iPod and walked around the farm fields across the street, taking in the smells and sights.

    I give you a lot of credit for having gone for 4 weeks. I’m so excited for you to finish off this last strong and for you to continue your journey at home 🙂

    Tracy

  2. Kim,
    We all have our “moments” and nobody can be totally upbeat all the time. I love this place and all the good things one can achieve. But weight loss and fitness is not served on a silver platter. We all have to work for it. I am afraid that many consider this a “quick fix” which it is not.
    Anyway, my thoughts for the day. See you at graduation.

  3. Don’t stop your conversation Kim! You’re awesome and if someone is cranky (maybe they need some caffeine and sugar) they need to get over it! If she can’t handle the microcosm of the retreat,and a short little van ride, how will she handle the real world? Keep being your awesome self and don’t let anyone bother you. You brought a smile to my face everyday I was there, and now everyday you blog. Thank you!!!!

    Mandy

  4. Thanks for sharing – I love your honesty and your blog. I am going in Aug for 4 weeks and will feel better about chosing to isolate myself when i want to. I get tierd of people quick – I’m always the leader and don’t like the group enviroment – but can play well with others. I’m pretty sure that i’ll be enjoying the down time alone as I’m not going there to make friends – although it would be a bonus to connect with a few people – will be there to focus on myself and not have anything or one else to worry about – you go girl!

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