Women, Suzanne Somers and Chocolate Cake

While spending every minute of free time I had in comedy clubs for 13 years, I noticed I did not like something about comedy- I did not ever like it when a man would make jokes about women and be so off the mark it was just stupid. Then to add to my dismay- the stupid joke would get a laugh, ensuring that the comic would revisit that joke again and again- believing he had found a jeweled joke. One comic would talk about how suave he was with the ladies, and when he would set up a premise on the man/woman relationship he would make the woman seem one dimensionally dumb- so obvious to me he had not clue what it would be like to be in a relationship- how to talk to or relate to any woman. I would look around…. “Am I the only one offended at how dense he is?” If you are going to speak about women-get it right and be smart about it- I need a good laugh. Being female is tough.

Women have a hard enough time figuring themselves out- and ANY man who thinks he has the secret code…well if he did he would make millions on selling it. On the flip side I DO think I understand a few things about men. Men need to know: 1. Are they having sex today 2. When and what is for breakfast, lunch and dinner 3. Know they are your only man and that you love them by making sure needs 1 and 2 are met. Tiger Woods wife may have done those things for him, I don’t know- but I will use him as the rule- men will cheat even if needs 1 through 3 are met… but not EVERY man will- only the men who are _______. You fill in the blank- let’s make this interactive!

As I eluded to earlier- women are tough to figure out. Make fun of us – sure, but in the end we even surprise ourselves. I am not sure why people buy Suzanne Somers books. Recently she claimed to take 60 pills a day, inject hormones in her vagina and still was diagnosed with full body cancer. The diagnosis was incorrect. She didn’t get mad – she wrote a book. In her book she interviews doctors who use alternative treatments for cancer. Suzanne, last spring, was on Oprah and was given the onstage chair while the MDs were given audience chairs. Ouch to the MDs- the actress and her opinions were given more prominence. Why? My guess..Suzanne is prettier! And anyone who puts hormones is her vagina is more fun than any party favor! Be honest, if you had a choice to sit and shoot the breeze with someone over the raw food tray and wheat grass shots- who would you pick? The TV star who is totally weird- or the stuffy know-it-all doctor? Oprah gets it- she was just playing to her audience: Women.

My most freeing satori ever happened only a few years ago. This epiphany catapulted me into much more forward thinking. Most men get this when they are six, I was 46. I learned and believed and put the knowledge into practice this concept in one instant: I have no control over what others think of me. Their perceptions are their own, and it is not my job in life to clarify any perception other than my own. It freed me up. In one flash I was a crone. If one looks up crone, you find the definition is a hag- wow, bummer. A woman gets older and wiser and we get a negative moniker. People’s sexiest man alive the year is Johnny Depp- he is older right? One year Sean Connery was on the cover…Sexiest Man Alive at 65!! The next week- Katherine Hepburn was on the cover… Still Alive at 97!

I love to read women’s magazines. On most covers there is usually a new diet trend which worked in only 3 days, listed next to a fabulous recipe for decadent chocolate cake. Aren’t we funny. We want to read the magazine for both articles- and while trying out the new diet, we have the cake in the oven, while ordering the hormone to inject in our vagina, after we check our breasts for lumps.


One thought on “Women, Suzanne Somers and Chocolate Cake

    Dang girl, I literally had to pic myself up off the floor on this one. Had a blast filling in the blank 😀
    I think I’ll try the 3 day diet, while baking the decadent chocolate cake, reading magazines, and checking for lumps, BUT! there will be no injecting of the vagina, LOL. Loved it, thanks again.

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