Waking Up

I have said, “I’m tired” much more often in my life than, “Wow, I am so awake,” or “I just can’t believe how alert I feel!” Maybe it is because more people relate to being tired than feeling peppy. Saying something positive is not socially acceptable either. “I have so much energy, I think after I exercise I will clean the house and start that new project!” Yeah, say that in a group and sit back and let the sarcasm fly. You will be told that you are on some kind of drug, that you may be crazy or this is a good one; you have no life. Who is happy at the gym, or holding a mop while folding clothes? I have longed for the man in my life to wake up and proclaim that this is the day the Lord hath made, and he is going to finally hang the new doors, clean the garage after mowing the lawn which will make the backyard perfect for the BBQ he has planned- and this is all accomplished with a joyful countenance, and not one sigh.

I sigh on purpose, so I naturally think other people are also complaining through their premeditated affective groans. It goes like this; “sigh, I am so tired.” This statement connected to the sigh is as contagious as a yawn. People who don’t even know you will offer their sighs and complaints as though they were talking to a relative that they have pretended to like for years. This human interaction breeds some bad vibes- from now on I plan to stop the sighs; I also want to eradicate the phrase, “I am tired,” from my conversation starter repertoire. I am replacing it with an interjection of my choosing, maybe, “Hey!” or “Wow!” Then add how great I feel. I decided to wake up, become more aware and quietly wait for multiple satories. Most people are happy when they have experienced a satori; imagine one right after another- it has to be life changing.

Oprah calls them aah ha! moments, moments in life where you get it whatever it is. It is hard to achieve an aah ha! if your head isn’t in the game- of life. I believe there are people who have never once had one and have faked it, because it is easy to do so- just nod- at first slow, then faster and as you do widen your eyes, roll them back just a smidge, then add some sort of  verbal POP! Oh Yeah! I got it! Yes! Yes! I see it now! Reminds me of my time in the Baptist church when the same people would get saved over and over again- had they been faking it before? Man, last Sunday I really believed that Martha was born again. Now, she has been born again and again- it is like an addiction to repentance- one has to keep on doing things to repent from doing again. The high of finding Jesus- a multifarious experience is like heroin to some because the next step of living with the Creator doesn’t produce the same amount of adrenaline and attention.

Life for me would be better if I could maintain inner peace, I just haven’t mastered the endurance it takes. To keep the peace one needs to meditate or pray for those of you freaked out by New Age terms. The Truth: Jesus meditated a lot and told his disciples to take up the practice. Be still my soul and know that He is Lord. The problem with me and meditation; besides the monkey-brain, is I fall asleep. It doesn’t make sense that one can reach Nirvana by completely slowing down; BUT not being tired. Tired is the spiritual equivalent of giving up. Trying too hard can keep a good ahh ha! from materializing as well- ego sometimes misses the light even if it is shining right on its face.

January 1st is a month away and with it a new year, new beginnings and new lists of things to change. I am starting today by: 1. No longer saying that I am tired. 2. Being awake. I want the high of the satori, and I will take as many as my head and heart can handle.


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