What if I Couldn’t Fail?

Kim kerville 1Good question. What would I do if I knew I wouldn’t fail? A fellow teacher has this poster on her wall, and when I read it while walking down the hall, it stopped me- I stood at her door and stared at the poster. It resonated. What would I do? What HAVE I done?

While waiting for my time to perform at open mic night in Houston last Wednesday, I thought about the poster. The club was full of comics who had either 3 or 5 minutes to work out a joke and for some, have that glorious moment of being onstage and performing. It is a life force, that stage time, and as the saying goes, “you are only as funny as your last set.” Whatever happens on that stage attaches to the soul and nags one way or the other.

Being a comic was my plan, and I pursued it as if I would not fail. I spent four years going to every open-mic available in San Antonio. The club offered a Saturday afternoon show, where we “barked” to get customers. “Free comedy show! Come to the FREE comedy show!” we would yell in the mall, because that is where the club is located; the mall. We had a lot of people come to that show, but not as many as the midnight show; that one was usually a packed house. The other show was the Monday night All Stars; it took a while for me to get invited on that bill, but once on it- I had three solid stage experiences a week. In New York a comic has to bring people, maybe wait all night for 2 minutes at three am, if they have the money. What a blessing to have all of that San Antonio stage time!kim kerville2

I never stopped believing that each moment on stage took me closer to my goal of stand-up success like Rosanne, or Ellen. Like Valerie Bertinelli said about exercise, it was one step in the right direction. But, the main thing here is I never once doubted I would “make it.” Never once. Until the pacemaker. I had to do a street change, and plot a new direction on a new map.  What would I do next if I knew I couldn’t fail?


So I do. I write and those who have been so wonderful to read what I write, you are the stage time.

Hay House has some fun radio programs available online. Authors such as Dr. Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss, and the one I called, Collette Baron-Reid, are regulars at Hay House. I called Collette’s show and was put on to ask my question- I had been feeling rather sad that I could no longer tour as a comic and asked her if she had any feeling as to what I should do next. She told me I would write a book and have a one-woman show; adding it was not a matter of the book being written, only when.

I was only impressed because I had already thought that is what I would do next. Is this it like the horoscope? The book/show idea would fit any downed comic with a pacemaker who needs insurance. I just got the news that in two years I will need a battery change. That entails a heart surgeon, a new battery as well as a battery of nurses- it is going to cost me to keep my heart beating. Until I have a public option; I need a job that provides insurance.

I don’t think I will fail so I write and send out the link to people who may just hit delete- it is like asking a friend to a show, and they never come. It is okay, because if what other people did, or thought got in my way, I would not have attended every open-mic for four years.

I have held onto big dreams regardless of my age. I think everyone should dream big- be it the best man shed on the block, a world cruise, of how about peace on earth. Joel Osteen is my Sunday favorite right next to the positive news show, CBS Sunday morning. Joel makes me think; he encourages my guts to hold onto the dreams. I still check with Oprah’s Be On the Show, HGTV Dream House and I started playing the lottery.

I plan on hiking all over the world once my book is published and I am working on my series of teen novels. I have my masters degree and vowed to get my doctoral degree before I was 55- I give myself no breaks.

You with me? Why not do what I want to do, not what I have to do. It is just that I have to do what I have to do to do what I want to do. I recently watched a video about a woman who was an attorney and she left a life of litigation to ride horses and ski. I cried in happiness for her, and felt a pull to just go- then I look at my scar. It is there for a reason; the steel to what ever foundation is being built in my life’s house of opportunities. I think we should all go for it- do what we love and be who we are suppose to be, even if it means living like Ed Begley Jr. Now, I am only advocating the postive, bliss finding way- not the evil, ego centric asses that destroy any positive karma. Those people suck and I wish they would be abducted by aliens- if there are any- then they can check all of the bad guys bottoms for cheese or whatever the hell aliens are looking for up there.

I will write a book, and it will get published. People will read it. I believe, I trust, I know I will not fail.

If only believed this when it came to being on a diet- so different than being on a stage!


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