Forever Young


The office was nothing special. Maybe I expected more opulence because the prices this guy was charging were exorbitant. Maybe some Hollywood glitz, or wine in the waiting area. Just something besides an open magazine article with the doctor’s picture prominently displayed. I read the article. The doctor was huge, not in character, in girth. Big. Biggest Loser Big. My first thought, Why would I trust a very, very big, bulbous man, who I learned a few minutes later had a hard time breathing, with the possible construction of new breasts, plumping of my lips, and the filling of the lines on my face? I needed an artist. I wanted an artist. Was this man, whose pants and shirt were so tight they were about to pop, an artist that would, through the use of FDA approved tools, make me look younger?

“Look at my wife.  I have done the chemical peels and the fillers on her. She looks good. I have a picture to show you of a woman who received the fillers around her mouth, like you need. Look! Isn’t that amazing?”

It was. With one office visit and fifteen hundred dollars, she looked more than ten years younger, she looked fantastic. “We are going to be on ‘Great Day Houston’ tomorrow,” he proclaimed with a wheeze, followed by a cough.

His face was peeling, porous and pock-marked. I wondered why he wouldn’t use his own hand to work on his face. Was this a sign that he may not trust himself; if so, why should I trust him? Think Priscilla Presley, Lisa Rhinna, Cher- all once beautiful women with lips over-plumped and grotesque. Presley said her lip plumping was a mistake and she was butchered by a fake doctor with a needle full of an evil concoction that makes her look weird. Cher- she looks okay, but I bet when she licks her lips now it dries her tongue because there is so much of them. And Rhinna- what a freak. If she stuck her head out a window could her upper lip possibly smother her by covering her nostrils? They all look like air-bags blew up on their faces. I don’t want to look like them; older women who plumped their lips in a desperate attempt to look younger. I wonder if lip plumpers are like hair stylists; when you say just a little, why do they still cut and fill a lot. And I like my hairdressers to look the part…even if they have blue hair at least they are participating in their craft.

“Come in on Tuesday. We call Tuesday, Botox Tuesdays. I can do your whole face for about 450 dollars.”

Wow, how much muscle deadening do I need to look younger and soften my lines? I wondered if  I would be able to smile or show any signs of happiness or sadness at all. At 10 bucks a unit, and 45 units…it seemed like way too much for me. I am a non-smoker for goodness sakes! I am ONLY 49; in actress years 49 is 80, but in teacher years, it is 49.

He talked to me at length about the different procedures available through him and his office. As he spoke, I looked right at his eyes, and could not help but notice that above his eyes was his forehead and a bit of greasy, yellow hair combed over to cove some balding. Nose hairs became a part of his mustache, and his eyebrows…they reached up toward his first forehead frown line.

I walked quickly out of the office once we finished my free consultation. I desperately want a few of the procedures he spoke about, but I worried that his idea of what my personal conceptualized beautiful would not be the same as his.

My next free consultation is next week. I hope the doc is a beautiful woman- or a Dr. McDreamy whose quest is to create perfect beauty from imperfect 49 year old material. Nip and tuck, plump and suck- just a bit of a tummy tuck.

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3 thoughts on “Forever Young

  1. Don’t do it … I have several friends who have gone under the knife and it hasn’t gone well. They have had to have stuff redone and once it’s cut it’s not easy or even possible to put it back. Not too mention, I just read an article about how to tell how old a woman really is … by the amount of filler in her face … kind of like rings on a tree.
    What ever happened to growing old gracefully? I say, use your sunscreen, a really good moisturizer and if need be a little botox but for God’s sake .. don’t start messing with bone structure.

  2. How about “For-never Old?” Is that similar to “the glass is 1/2 empty?”
    Nevermind…
    Had I known I was going to spend $136K on my heart defibrillator implant, I would have gone out and gotten a tummy tuck and boob reduction! Sure, I wouldn’t have lived long, but I would be LOOOOOOKIN’ GOOOOOOOD at my “going away party!” j/k

  3. Ha, ha, ha, this is hilarious Kim. More-so in that it’s hilarity stems from it’s truth. Don’t do it! The tummy tuck is cool, but don’t mess with anything that requires splitting open the skin on your face. Honestly, you really don’t need it.

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