Getting Married

I love him. He loves me. We are thinking of getting the government involved.

I have been down the aisle once and sat in a judges chambers at the city jail the second time (he was the only JP on duty.) After that exchange of vows my second husband looked at me and said, “What the **** did we just do? Oh, I love you, too, baby!

That marriage lasted until the next day. I called my lawyer and asked about an annulment; they are pricey. I did the paperwork myself and got out of that fiasco as fast as I could. My new relationship which is five years old, has been a steady one. I had hoped my late 40’s would bring me some peace with men in the form of a man and it did; Charlie, a good-ole-boy from my old ‘hood! He and I went to the same high school, but he finished a bit earlier than me- a senior when I was a seventh grader. But as a seventh grader I knew who the high school quarterback was, and he was beautiful; so much so I think he came with his own soundtrack of music. Also, I dated his cousin, and I know the fam.

On Christmas morning, four years into the relationship, he asked me to marry him. Not really asked, I woke up and the bag with the ring in it was on my stomach.  I looked at him, and with morning breath said, “No, not this way, no! What did you do?”

“They are ear rings.”

When I looked in the bag, I saw a beautiful marque diamond ring, my size and perfect. I handed it to him and said, “At least ask me.”   Iwill never forget those amazing words as he held out the ring to me (remember all this was before I had even gotten out of bed for the morning) “Promise me you won’t change?” I grabbed the ring, jumped out of bed, put it on my finger and went into the best Smeagol impression, saying “My precious, my precious!” How much more change could he be afraid of after that?

Was he really afraid that after four years a ring on my finger would change me? We had done pretty well up to that point, I would say we had three arguments. One; on our first anniversary, we were going dancing. I love to go dancing, the problem is, I never go dancing! We stopped to make an appearance at his client’s Halloween party and ended up staying the entire night; I blamed the gambling tables, and I certainly blamed Charlie.  I befriended two couples dressed like the Flintstones and the Rubbles; I was dressed as an angry date.

Two, he stood me up to go dancing which is hard to do when you live with each other. I was ready by six, he never came home or called.

Three, I forget that one; maybe it was something I did. 

I remember on Valentine’s day I told him what I thought the relationship needed.  “There is you, there is me. We are nice people and you even said what you like about us is that we try to out-nice each other. We do that with everyone in our close circle. BUT, the relationship is an entity unto itself. It needs nourishment. The relationship needs attention. The relationship should be taken to dinner and the relationship should be taken dancing!”

“Oh….!” Charlie said this as though his halogen lamp had just been turned up to bright. “Oh, I understand. You want to go dancing!”


As a comic I work around a lot of funny men. I work in clubs late at night. Charlie is a contractor and a natural salesman. He knows everyone, men and women– (he married most of them…Just kidding!) Charlie was and is so handsome he never had to chase down a partner, he could just sit back and let it happen, like Elvis. The point is, in this relationship, neither one of us has had the urge to look around and see what is out there any longer. It is such a relief. I found him. He found me.

It is time to start the dancing.


6 thoughts on “Getting Married

  1. Kim, you paint a wonderful picture with words. I have read several of your blogs and have enjoyed every one. You’ve definitely got talent!!!

  2. I really enjoyed reading your blog . After a long day and just walking in the door I hugged my boys and ran to check my facebook. Its so nice to be in touch with u and u really make me laugh . Thanks

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