“Kim, yeah, we decided to make a few changes. You are being let go.”
I was being let go? I loved my job; working with my morning show partner Fred Zepplin on KZEP in San Antonio, Texas. There had been pressure, which in retrospect was just a bully-push out of the station. The very-married ‘producer’ of the show had been calling me regularly at night while drunk. Mr. Inappropriate was also becoming a more vocal presence on the show. Sneaky guy that he is, I had been told I was to no longer be a part of any production work- writing skits with Fred was fun, and we had created some good ‘bits.’ I offered Drunk-Producer-Sleaze-Bag a story idea about Bill Clinton in Harlem; obvious jokes and soundbites; yet with a twist. DPSB said he would never do a piece on Clinton because he HATED him…whatever, it was funny. Within a few days he produced the bit and my ideas were in action in the production room once again.
“So, DPSB, take us from the genesis of the Clinton in Harlem bit to the completion of the piece in production.” The consultants were in town and we were all sitting around the big table. DPSB went on and on about how HE had written it and how HE had these great ideas and how HE came up with the funny parts… I asked, “What about me, DPSB? I gave you the idea, wrote the bit and told you how it should sound. Why are you leaving that out?”
DPSB squirmed. Program Director squirmed. Within a half hour of that meeting I had a very small severance check, a box filled with my various stuffs and a broken spirit. That is radio.
“Everything happens for A REASON! Something better is waiting for you!” Jane was so sweet telling me that. She even went into the “God closes doors and opens windows” part. Oh, and by the way, don’t come to my Halloween party. Now, she didn’t exactly say that, but “sorry you can’t come to the party” was close enough. My costume was Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. She had no way of knowing how hard it was to get the bubble around the costume and still be able to walk!
There is a reason for everything… what could it be? To struggle for the next year and a half working one nighters in crazy out-of-the-way clubs across America? To be in Monroe, Louisiana on a Wednesday night, in the winter, for a couple of hundred bucks? To learn that God wanted to be the star of my show? Once I had all of my bills all laid out on my bed. There was no money for the mortgage, let alone groceries. (Did I mention I was fired in September when schools aren’t looking for English teachers?) I sat there wondering what the reason for this was when the phone rang. “Can you headline our club in Corpus Christi? We can pay you X amount of dollars, in cash.”
X = mortgage and food.
So is God a show-off?
How can I get X is greater than mortgage and groceries?
I put in my time on the road. I played every club that would book me. I drove all over this great big country. For what reason? Maybe I was going to be a star after all! Or… God wanted to close the radio door and open the TV window! In 2003 I was asked to send a tape to The View. I got on and had 90 seconds of glorious national tv exposure, while simultaneously selling a CD from a comedy web-site. Oh yeah!! This was it; next stop Leno!
In 2003 I was also hired again by KZEP, this time with a new partner; Mark Davis. He hated me and told me so. He had red hair, was pudgy, pale and packed a biting disposition. We would be on-air and he would be making faces while I spoke, he would tell me after a break how much he hated working with me. I felt I was back in Bitch Boot Camp, even though he was a GUY, he acted like a 13-year-old GIRL. “Our program director doesn’t want you here either. He hates this show because of you.”
My boss and the program director’s boss- the same guy, came in one day and asked how things were, “How long were you here last time?” “14 months,” I replied. “Let’s make this time around 14 years.”
Green light on the home finance and complete remodel of my 1940’s home. The walls were literally falling in, and grass was growing from the ceiling. And a car; my clunker had seen better times. 14 years was good- even with Mean-Fat-Red-Headed-Girl/Boy sabotaging me.
14 months into the job: “Kim, yeah, we’re making a few changes.”
“You are firing me AGAIN?” The PD pushed some papers my way, one being a check (Better numbers this time around) and the others I just tore up. FRHGB walked me out to my car and tried to HUG me! Jane was there again but I put up my hand before she could say it, not the “reason for everything” speech, the; “I was no longer invited to the Halloween party speech.” Did she not have a clue how difficult a time I had finding the perfect Cher hair?
There is a reason for everything.
Everything is okay now. I decided to stop trying to be a radio star. It is just not meant TO BE. I went to college and got my degree in counseling. It was cheaper than therapy! I decided that I should stay with education; be a school counselor, help others. But, alas, no one will hire me as a counselor. I have had over a dozen interviews, and nothing. Never in my life have I NOT gotten the job I wanted (except Leno).
Today I was walking to my classroom when the head counselor asked me how I was doing. She knew I had an interview coming up. “They never called me back to schedule, ” I said, “I guess when the principal saw my resume and found I had no experience she balked. How do I get the word out as to who I think I am?”
That sweet head counselor replied, “I believe everything happens for a reason. I just know you will get the perfect job at the perfect time.” I smiled at her, told her thanks and turned a left while she went right.
There is a reason for everything. Okay God, it is time to show off again!