I Sleep with Fred Flintstone

He likes ribs, works in construction (though he is the man on the job in the clean jeans) and loves coming home to Goldberg (our Dino). The main reason I call him Fred Flintstone, however, is that he snores. I remember watching the cartoon as a child and laughing at the loud snoring as Wilma lay there listening to him. She could just roll over and fall asleep- in the 3 dimensional world of flesh, bone and surround sound- it ain’t that easy!

One thing that truly amazes me is how fast he can fall asleep. I have taken informal polls on this aspect of snorers – there is this 30 to 60 second time frame when their head hits the pillow at night to when their mouth opens and the first utterances begin. I timed Charlie/Fred one night- 35 seconds… he was asleep in 35 seconds. The faster he falls asleep, the louder and longer he snores.

I tried to work with the situation. Loosing sleep was not something I am willing to do. I have to have a clear mind to deal with 130 to 150 other minds on a daily basis. I tried to go to bed earlier than him thinking if I fell asleep BEFORE he did, I would not hear his snoring- I could be in a deep sleep oblivious to his struggle for air. It didn’t work. Laying there in the dark I would feel the stress of it all- I had to fall asleep or suffer! I tell my feet to relax and work all the way up to my eyes…knowing if he walked in the door, within 30 seconds all this would be for naught. It never worked- once he came in and snored in a rhythum, snort, snort bahhh, snort, snort, bahhh, sort, snort, bahhh.It was like a song, I thought, I can work with this. Use the rhythm to fall asleep. And it did work until he stopped. Silence. I was falling asleep, drifting softly… then SNOOOORT! He woke me up and frightened me so badly my heart raced for several minutes.

Roll him over! I heard that advice- I did roll him over and he snored the whole roll and into his pillow.

Put a marble in his pj’s. Yeah- he wears a t-shirt. Not a good option.

When we first began sharing our nights together I knew this would be a problem, but he was so responsive. I could barely touch him and he would awaken..”Was I snoring?” “Yes, please roll over?” “Okay, I love you.” Kiss, kiss-so sweet. Fast forward a month later I couldn’t wake him up- I would shake, punch, pinch, kick and drop elbows on him- no response. Oh wait, yes there was, the snoring got louder! He would wake up the next morning and see me with my dark, baggy eyes and sweetly say goood moorning!!!  I ask, “How did you sleep?” He relied, “I slept great, but man I am sore all down my side, look I have bruises!”

Once he snored so loud he woke himself up. He sat up in the dark afterward, like he had heard a shot or something. I laid there watching him, of course I was awake, I had been awake for 6 months. “That was you, Charlie, that was you! I listen to that every night…it was YOU!” He looked over at me, I could tell he was shaken because I could see the whites of his eyes- he is Hispanic, that is all I could see-

How do I deal with Fred now? Ear plugs. I use silicone ear plugs, the kind swimmers use to keep out water. I had tried the cushion kind but they are no good. Yep, silicone- that was the answer. You can find them in any drug store- but the key is how you wear them- seal the ear with the silicone, and I don’t care how much you weigh my small readers who suffer, use the whole piece of silicone allotted.

Silicone earplugs, 60 bucks a year, sleeping all night, priceless.


6 thoughts on “I Sleep with Fred Flintstone

  1. OK…this one made me laugh out loud…I am so living THIS !!! I feel your pain and am now on the way to Walgreens to find these silicone things!!!!
    Love you-have a great weekend !

  2. I hope “Fred” doesn’t stop breathing… which is sometimes the case for heavy snorers. Apnea? some people use a cpap or a TAP device.

    • Thanks forreading Jordon Love…now where is your blog…with 2 sentences stories!! LOL remember how you would try to turn work in with as few words as possible, yet still be correct?

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